Secret Agent Man
by Jade24
Summary: Snape gets stuck as a security guard in a muggle muesum, while acting as a double spy, in search of a magical artifact thats somewhere in the muesum. But guess who happens to be a frequent visitor to that muesum?
1. End of Term

A/N: This was a plot bunny by The Muses (read their stories!), which I legally adopted. Hope you enjoy.  
  
End of Term*******  
  
He sat at his desk, his head in his hands. Letting out a sigh, he leaned back. Finally, he thought. The school year was over, and Professor Severus Snape couldn't be happier (seriously).  
  
He had just returned from the end of the year feast and all the students had finally migrated home for the summer. Now Severus had no distractions to keep him from getting his work done. There were potions to make, lesson plans to write, and- A barn owl suddenly swooped over his desk out of nowhere, dropping a scroll of parchment in front of him.  
  
Severus knew quite well what it was. Every year at the end of term, the headmaster sent each of the staff a overview of the year, including an invitation to the mandatory end-of-term staff meeting. When he unrolled the scroll, he skimmed through, only interested in the time and date of the meeting. Then a note written in purple ink caught his eye. Down at the bottom of the parchment the headmaster had scrawled, "See me in my office. S'mores."  
  
Dumbledore wanted to see him. It must be urgent, because he always gave the staff a day of rest on the first day of summer break. Rolling the parchment back up, Professor Snape stood up and walked out of his office.  
  
A/N: It gets more interesting next chapter. Stick with me! 


	2. The Meeting

A/N: Yes, this one is longer. I, er, appreciate all your reviews. They all seemed to have a common theme. Can you guess what it was?  
  
The Meeting********  
  
Severus stood in front of the stone gargoyle. "S'mores." For a moment he wondered what that might be. Stepping onto the staircase, he was moved upwards to Dumbledore's office door. Severus knocked once and the door automatically opened.  
  
Inside the office, he found Dumbledore sitting causally at his desk. He was eating something sticky between two biscuits. The headmaster was happily occupied with his snack and did not seem to notice Severus standing in the room. Just before Severus was about to say something, the headmaster turned to him, smiling.  
  
"Ah, Severus, have a seat. S'more?" He pushed a plate of biscuits, with what appeared to be marshmallow and chocolate in between them, towards his guest.  
  
Snape quickly refused and sat in a chair directly in front of Dumbledore's desk. "Is there something you need, Headmaster?"  
  
The old man's face became serious. "Yes. I have an important assignment for you."  
  
"What kind?"  
  
"I need you to find something, an artifact. Now, we don't know exactly what it looks like or where it is. But we do know that if activated, it has the power to trap and harness any living soul within it."  
  
Snape understood. "You want to use it on You Know Who."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"So what do I do?"  
  
"We need you to do some spying. We know that the artifact is somewhere in this museum." Dumbledore held up a brochure for a museum in England. "Find it, and make sure no one else does."  
  
"All right."  
  
"Also, the artifact seems to contain some very powerful magic. Muggles have been reported missing around the museum. So stay alert."  
  
Severus nodded. "So I'm to go to the museum and look for the artifact? Is that it?"  
  
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. Severus knew something was coming. "Not quite. You see, it would be a bit suspicious if you were always around the museum for no apparent reason. So, you're going undercover."  
  
"As what?" Snape was a little worried. He knew the headmaster's ideas could be a bit odd, especially when it came to working with Muggles.  
  
But Dumbledore didn't answer. Instead, he pulled out a box from behind his desk and opened it. He handed the contents to Severus.  
  
Snape looked at the two guns he now held. "You're giving me muggle weapons?" he said, incredulous.  
  
Dumbledore calmly replied, "Oh no, we would never dream of leaving you anywhere unarmed. Wands are concealed within these hand rifles, in this longer blackish thing right here. Just point that end," he pointed to the end of the pistol, to the hole, "at who ever you want to shoot the spell at, and say the spell as normal, while holding this part." He points to the handle.  
  
Severus nodded, then narrowed his eyes. "What exactly am I going undercover as?"  
  
"Oh, it's a very important job. It'll suit you just fine. In fact I'm sure you'll get Employee of the Week immediately."  
  
"Employee of the Week?"  
  
"Yes. It's an award you get if you-"  
  
"What job, Dumbledore?"  
  
"A... erm... a sentry."  
  
"Since when do they have sentries at muggle museums?"  
  
"Well, they don't really," said Dumbledore, filling Snape's arms with a bundle of clothes, the box with the guns, a folder, the brochure, and a s'more to top it all off. "There, they call them security guards." With that, he pushed Severus out the door and out of his office before any rebuttal could be made.  
  
A/N: That should keep you all content for a few minutes, enough for me to leave town in. 


	3. The Uniform

A/N: The majority of this chapter was written by the Muses, Mae Noelle I believe. It was sent with the "adoption papers". Remember, this is their plot bunny (read their stuff!) and JKR's world. So basically...I'm just the manual labor that writes it all.  
  
The Uniform*******  
  
Standing on the other side of Dumbledore's door, Snape silently screamed.  
  
'How dare he do this! He tricked me!' Severus thought. He continued to fume on his way down the stairs, then chided himself when the guilt set in. 'You fell right into it, asking questins too late. Now you're stuck. You can't let Dumbledore down now, after all he's done for you.'  
  
Angry, but determined, he stormed down to his quarters to prepare to go to Grimwald Place, eating the s'more on the way.  
  
*  
  
Severus finished buttoning his shirt, pants, stuffing things to and fro, trying to get comfortable in the somewhat tight muggle uniform.  
  
He felt like an idiot, standing there in the kitchen of the Order's outpost, looking in the mirror.  
  
"Oh, Severus, you look very dashing," Molly said fondly behind him, glowing somewhat.  
  
"If Albus himself had not asked me to do this..." Severus hissed, trying to expand the fabric with his wand. "Are these damn things not supposed to fit?" He yelled, as part of his shirt ripped as he pulled at it. He quickly repaired it.  
  
"It's muggle clothing, they don't give you space like our normal robes do, but yes, they are supposed to do that."  
  
Most of the order was out and about, coming in occasionally, looking much more lax and positive now that the ministry had finally given in. They wouldn't be completely alone in the battle, now.  
  
"Now, Severus, all we need to do is fix that hair..." She raised her wand slightly, and he quickly swatted it back down.  
  
"You will not touch my hair!" He growled, giving her an icy stare. "I've already got to dawn this damn thing, I am sure hair is of no importance."  
  
"But, the muggles all have short, clean hair, Severus, they might notice-"  
  
"They won't care!" He said, looking in the mirror again as he tried to fix the confining sleeves of his long white shirt.  
  
"And you have to tuck that part in," Molly said, pointing to the lower ends of his shirt, which were hanging over his pants.  
  
"'Tuck it in'?" He repeated, looking down at the shirt. "It's short enough already -"  
  
"Just do it!" She slammed some sort of cooking pot down, and Severus jumped. "And really, about that hair -"  
  
"No!" He said sternly, turning away from the mirror. The woman just did not know when to quit.  
  
"Oh, really, Severus, if you want it to stay like that so bad, at least do something with it," And she flicked her wand before he could move, and his vision suddenly widened, and he felt a strange tugging at the back of his head. He turned back into the mirror, feeling horrified, only to see that his hair had been pulled back in a tight pony tail. It was amazing how much more he could see with his hair out of his face.  
  
"It suits you," She said loftily, filling her cooking pots with a strange liquid.  
  
Severus turned back to the mirror, wanting to pull out the pony tail. He raised a hand to the back of his head.  
  
"Don't even try, it won't come out, not for a good few hours."  
  
He lowered his hand and sighed in defeat.  
  
"You better get going, aren't you supposed to be at the museum in an hour?"  
  
"It takes two seconds to apparate," Severus said flatly.  
  
"You are not apparating to the museum!" She hissed, and threw something at him. He grabbed the metal things out of the air, and stared down at a ring of keys. "We've borrowed a car for you,"  
  
"I can't drive a muggle car-"  
  
"You are going to drive it every day to your work, and you will drive it back to the empty lot around the corner, every day." Molly said sternly, drawing herself up to her full height, which was still quite short. "All set up by Albus himself, I might add," She said stiffly, and Severus merely glared. "So you might want to start driving now, I've no clue how long it'll take you."  
  
"I can't drive," Severus said incredulously, appalled that he was being bossed around by this woman. "I have absolutely no idea how to drive-"  
  
"It's an automatic," She said quickly. "Just grab onto the big black wheel in front of the drivers seat, and pretend like you know what you're doing. The car will do all the work."  
  
Severus stood, realizing sadly that he had been beaten.  
  
"Fine. I'll just be leaving then..."  
  
"And don't be coming back to ask questions! Arthur is taking the kids back to the burrow, and I'm going to join them for a much needed vacation," Severus didn't say anything, but walked hastily towards the door. "Why don't you have a bit of toast before you go, then?" She said airily, just as he had reached the door.  
  
"For some reason I am not feeling very hungry,"  
  
"Take some toast!" She demanded, and in an instant she was at his side, shoving a small stack of buttered toast in his hands. "And what do you say?"  
  
"Thank you," He muttered, slinking off to the front door.  
  
"You're welcome! Be nice at work! Don't do anything stupid! We're all very proud of you!"  
  
His glare intensified, though all he had to glare at now was the pile of toast in his hand. Of course, he knew better then to reply to her with anything other then a 'good-day'. So he hurried out of the house, taking a small bite out of one slice of toast and discarding the excess in a bush as he passed. 


	4. Snape's First Day

A/N: Better late than never...right? I'm going to attempt to update most of my stories today, or at least this week. Wish me luck, and please note, reviews actually DO speed up the writing process, assuming it isn't just "good story, write more." Tell me what you like, what you don't like. Please!!! And thanks to those who did review!  
  
Ariana: You must not laugh much. Lol, just kidding. Thanks.  
  
Julia Lin: Power to Mrs. Weasley. OK, the Weatherwitch is soon to come. And no Harry Potter on Ice! Just put the sugar down, please.  
  
Lorraine: Yes, but I think Snape with Jell-O would be much funnier!  
  
*  
  
Snape's First Day*******  
  
Severus looked at the car parked on the curb in front of Grimwald Place. It was a black convertible. Sliding into the driver's seat, he began to investigate all the controls. After a minute and a few unexpected surprises, Snape had figured out how to roll down the windows, open the roof and turn on something very loud resembling music (one of the surprises).  
  
Finally, he was ready to go, with thirty minutes left. 'Now, all she said to do was put my hands on the wheel-' Immediately the engine started up. Before Severus could do anything else, the car was making its way down the street.  
  
*  
  
Driving, or rather being driven to the museum was quite an experience. Severus stepped out of the car, which had come to rest in a small back lot. He looked around and noticed a sign, reading "Museum Entrance", with an arrow pointing left. Following it, Snape soon found himself standing at the base of a set of great marble steps. They led up to an entrance bordered by columns. People were all over, sitting on the steps, walking in and out of the museum at their leisure. "Wonderful," Severus mumbled to himself. "Just wonderful, Muggles everywhere, everyday, for the rest of the summer."  
  
Resigning to his fate, he began to walk up the steps.  
  
*  
  
"Severus Scots? Odd name." The man behind the desk pushed his glasses back up onto his nose. Severus stood in front on the desk, trying not to fidget with his uniform. "Well, I see you have your uniform. Bert, the guard at the front desk will give you your post schedule. That'll be all." The museum manager turned back to his flashy muggle contraption that sat on his desk, silently dismissing Snape.  
  
Walking back to the front desk, Severus was greeted by a middle-aged man in a uniform similar to his own.  
  
"The name's Bert." He said with a hint of a Scottish accent.  
  
Snape gave a curt nod. "Severus." Bert chuckled.  
  
"You born with that name?"  
  
He narrowed his eyes slightly at the man. "Yes."  
  
"All right. Meant no harm by it. Now, here's a map of the museum. Your first post will be over by the library. We just closed off a section in the back for repairs. Roof leaked. Make sure folks stay out of there. It's eleven now, so report back here in about two hours, and you can get a break for lunch. Any questions?"  
  
Snape shook his head no. "Well then, good luck." As Bert got back to work at his desk, Severus noticed a familiar twinkle in the man's eye. He was sure he had seen it before. Oh yes, how could he forget. Dumledore.  
  
Dismissing it from his thoughts, Severus picked up the map and headed out to find the library.  
  
*  
  
Severus Snape sat down in a nearby chair. He'd been patrolling the library for over an hour now and nothing had happened. How did Dumbledore expect him to find a magical artifact on which the future of the whole world could rely, if all Severus could do was walk around in a library?  
  
Getting up again, he walked back to the restricted area, which was blocked off by yellow tape. Severus didn't understand how this was going to prevent people from entering. Based on his experiences with nosy schoolchildren, it would probably make most want to enter the area even more.  
  
Snape looked around the library, then at his watch. Only forty-five minutes till his break. This was going to be a long day....  
  
A/N: Read and Review! Critique and Comment! 


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